First off, it ended up just being Hazel and I at the Sunfest last week (and remember that because I'm going to bring it up later). Next, I discovered that my Mom's friend Laura would be leaving her house under the care of my Mother (Laura has a pool, a fireplace, a pool table; a nice house in general) and I got the wonderful idea of inviting Emma over on the one Saturday when my Mom is going out and leaving the house to me! Now, my Mom kind of assumed I did it simply to have sex with Emma, but my intentions are not so basic (yes, I'd hit on Emma, but I'm pretty sure Emma wouldn't just give herself to me like that). I figured Emma and I could chill out, flirt a little, and have a really nice day... Well, now she's got plans on Saturday because that's when the auditions for the Seussical are!!!! Somehow, I need to make plans with Emma, but I guess I'll have to wait now because, if I keep pestering her to hangout with me, I might push her away and make her not want to hangout with me at all! Oh, and Shawn and I and Clark and Jordan saw The Amazing Spiderman...
Moving on, I've been having Shawn sleepover for the last few nights and we've had a great time every night; last night, we spent hours talking through a bunch of issues we both individually have in terms of relationships and our other friend, Anthony. Anyways, we got to talking and after uncovering a bunch of my feelings, he came to the conclusion that I love my ex-ex, Hazel. I was reluctant to admit it, but he was right; when he slept over the other day, I called Hazel and kind of told her how I felt. I suppose I did contain expressing some of my deepest emotions because she took control of the conversation and steered it in a much more formal direction whereas I was going for a bit more romantic... Jeez, thinking about it now makes me feel awkward. Nonetheless, I've gotten over most of my feelings for Hazel despite the fact that I was falling for her. By not telling Hazel my deepest feelings, I allowed us to remain just friends, and learnt that sometimes, if we truly care about our loved ones, we have to give up the thing we want the most to see them happy. Now, my romantic pursuit is focused solely on Emma, but first I must learn to back off and give her room to breathe.
Now, I sit here waiting and writing as Hazel is going to be coming over today. I'm proud to say that I'm not going to let my feelings get in the way of what I cherish more than anything right now: our friendship. If I can't be in a relationship with Hazel, then you can bet dollars to donuts that I'll remain an honest and trustworthy friend; it's my responsibility.
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